Let's Talk...

Okay blogger friends lets talk, complain, cry, laugh, be pissed, be happy, or just sit in silence...

Lets just say today has been a shitful day and yes I said shitful...Remember my last post how I explained everything about the IUI well lets just say we went in again today for the whole procedure and basically we were told bad news and were unable to have the IUI done for this month because the follicles were not big enough...so like I have said before negative news...makes for a lot of emotions to the point where you just want to say screw it all and give up. On another happier note when you get bad news that gives you a right to pull through the drive through at Johny O' Spudnuts and buy not one doughnut but 4 people! I SAID 4! ALL FOR MYSELF, along with calling Fredrico's and ordering out food for yourself and husband. So this has been a fun, enjoyable day!

Lets talk about stress, everyone has stress! some stress about not being able to have kids, being broke, being able to buy groceries, family, health, work, life, I mean what else? I look at Trev and I and lately we have been stressed to the max...between baby business, wanting to move but can we afford it? both working full time jobs, trying to afford "life" life in meaning trying to be able to afford milk, bread, or even gas, to trying to afford copayments at Dr appointments, or to even just pay bills...life is frustrating its hard...money is the devil and I believe that with all my heart...but you have to make it to be able to afford "life" its an on going battle between lots of families...you want to go back to school but you think {how}{cost}{life}{money}{work} life gets very hard especially when you have to start making decisions and the best decisions that will fit and help your family...as my favorite saying "family is always first" and that is my #1 in my books...this week has been crazy sometimes I think to myself I would love to just run away from everything take a break from life shut my phone off and spend a few days just with my husband and family with no interruptions between texts from work, or stressing about money sometimes I just think I want to be that kid again with no stress just all my worries gone...life would be amazing if it was just filled with vacations with family lots of laughs, cries, and spending time together...family time is my favorite thing in life! I am a home body, I love just sitting home with my husband and watching a movie, or baking, or giggling about stupid stuff, I also enjoy hanging out with family members, just chatting, no stress or worries just enjoying the time together! SO here is my venting for the day! I have had so much on my mind this week between the stress I have for Trev and I, to just realizing everyone is fighting a battle...I have been thinking and hurting so much for a family this week that I haven't been sleeping at nights this week because my mind just won't shut off from thinking of my appointment, to money, to this beautiful family that is in need of more help then my venting and problems...Please take the time and help this family out...please read her story as Kassi is a mother of two and a wife who has been fighting leukemia and has been put in the ICU and is now on life support, her body is giving up-she is getting weak and her family needs all the prayers they can possibly get...a simple prayer in your mind or even help with the medical expenses or both would be the best this family could have...we all need to love on our loved ones and family members and hold them tight-let them know how much they are loved because you never know when something will just hit and you won't be able to tell them. I will attached the link below so you can read there story or even donate, if you would like see how much Kassi has battled through this check out her instagram at @kassi_Schroeder Please keep this gorgeous girl and her family in your thoughts and prayers, not only do her two little girls need there momma, her husband and family need her too! lets pray that Kassi can pull through this!!

http://www.gofundme.com/da3ul0

Thanks blogger friends and family! {XO}

Sunday Thoughts

Happy Sunday Everyone! I thought I better sit down today and play catch up on the blog! Trev and I have been so busy lately I feel like all we do is go to work, come home get dinner ready, take our pup for a walk, get ready for bed, then start next day over-we are running errands, trying to keep up on our town home that we put up for sale in July so we have had people coming and looking at it which is so hard but so good! we usually get a text saying they will be here in an hour so trying to pick up things left out and running out the door before they show gets tough at times! just crossing our fingers that it sales...we are both ready to be moved to Logan, Utah or my dream would be San Diego! {keep dreamin huh!} SO its been busy at the Larsen Home, usually on my days off I am running to family events and trying to get lunch made and the husband off to work! Busy! and we don't even have kiddos yet! I look up to my sister, sister in law, and brother! they are constantly running like crazy and getting there kids to activities all the time! along with my mother and dad...I always wonder do they ever stop and take a breath? they go, go, go! I always ask if I can have some of my moms energy, I swear her and my dad never stop working, helping, etc.! they both need to retire and move to a beach house and relax! They deserve it! and I look up to them everyday and the handworkers that they are they have taught there kids the best!

Anyways! to go on with our story of our journey- I ended with talking about going in and having a procedure done that was called HSG, from then on we were told to come in and have follicle checks every month 13 days after my periods so monthly we went in had ultrasounds and there were days I would leave the office trying to hold in my tears until I would get out to our car...there were some days that were positive answers and some days that were negative answers...the meaning of the negative is basically I wouldn't have a good enough follicle to move forward with going onto the next step and process which is called an IUI it was frustrating to me as to {WHY} can't something just go right! I honestly would lay on that table while Trev was beside me while they were getting ready to do the ultrasound I always said a little prayer in my head {silly} I don't think praying is silly because when you are on your way to breaking down and need answers God is the answer... he is there even when life feels like he's not...its truly all about faith.

For anyone questioning the definition of IUI:

IUI is a fertility treatment that uses a catheter to place a number of washed sperm directly into the uterus. The {goal} of IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes and subsequently increase the chance of fertilization.

TMI?! well this is what this blog is about,  this is what husband and wife go through-the struggle of procedure after procedure, negative answers, to positive answers to the positive answers basically getting flushed down the drain when the IUI doesn't work after going through it 3 to 4 times, spending money on the procedure and it failing...did I mention Trev and I both work full time, work our butts off, and pay for insurance and non of these procedures are paid for by insurance-because nothing is covered by insurance because its infertility so we have to pay up front the day of the procedure...so if the procedure doesn't work that money just goes down the drain--but we can always say its going for a good cause right!? so basically the process you go in for a follicle check, good enough follicle then the hubby does his sweet duty and turns it in the day of the IUI...they give me a shot in the hip basically to help with the process that makes me ovulate and then in for the IUI we go...Is it painful? some say no its a piece of cake! as in my words its painful especially when they tell you your cervix won't dilate, meaning won't open, basically its easier after you have had a child. So that's a whole other story we will get to in this blog! so yes it is very painful to the point it brings tears to your eyes, then they basically hang you upside down ha more like tip your chair so your legs are in the air and you sit there for about 25 minutes and play the waiting game till your next period...if you start then re schedule for yet another IUI! its so fun!! Not! its frustrating, heart aching, and makes you wonder everyday!  

 

So that is the story for today! I hope you enjoy this blog update! I just wanted to say this blog is not stories to say poor me, poor me, poor us, poor us...this blog is to up lift and help people that want to know more of the processes of what people go through together as husband and wife that can't make there family grow! I have read so many blogs that have seriously made me realize that my husband and I aren't in this alone...there are couples out there that are struggling just like us and I love to be able to talk to them, like I have said before nobody knows how bad all this hurts till you have been through it!

 

And because you all know I love quotes! I will end todays blog with a few!

 

Because now and always is the best time to start becoming the persons we would love to be,

a mother and father

Always be patient, the best things are yet to come!

 

I said I would upload some pictures from Red Fish Lake when we got back and I haven't had lots of time! So I am finally sitting down and doing some blogging tonight while the husband is at work!

 

We went to Red Fish just Trev and I, oh and our pup! it was so relaxing and fun! we go every year over Labor Day weekend and I can't wait to make it a family trip and be able to take our kids up there every year and share memories with them like Trev and I have shared when we have gone there! I tell ya if you haven't been there put it on your bucket list to do!! so much fun!! here are a few pictures! Enjoy! XO!

 

 

 

 

 

 



Happy 1st day of September!! I am so excited for fall! It's my favorite season ever! Boot weather, Big sweaters, Hot chocolate, Leggings, Halloween, Football, Pumpkin candles, Pumpkin recipes, and of course the Witch Fest I look forward to in October!!

We are here in Red Fish Lake enjoying some husband and wife time with our cute pup Max but I got up this morning and did my morning routine checked emails, got breakfast ready, looked at insta, and Facebook...the first thing that showed up on Facebook that really got to me and made me a little emotional this morning was this link posted on Facebook about a couple that was seeing the same fertility Dr that Trev and I had saw...{Dr. Foulk} this Dr is the most caring Dr I have ever met with along with our Dr in Logan, Ut {Dr. Kirkman} these two men have seriously helped Trev and I feel like there is a chance and to not give up! We are going to have this sweet babe in our arms one day! So I wanted to post this link about this couple that are seeing Dr. Foulk! The one thing that honestly touched me was what Dr. Foulk had said...

"I don't think it's a function of playing God," Foulk said. "I think it's a function of using the tools God has given us. This technology is phenomenal in helping patients avoid that tragedy and have parents avoid that loss." 

These Dr's have the hands of God, to do what they do and the amazing miracles they can do helps us couples so much that want there family to grow! Another part that touched me...

Danny said Foulk told them "he would take care of it. He will do it and it won't cost us anything to do it one last time. And that's incredible. Who does that these days?"
I don't think people realize the cost of invitro how much money it takes to try to have this child brought into the family. What Dr. Foulk did for this couple is beyond amazing!! Enjoy this link and Happy Monday and 1st Day of September!! -xo!

{I will upload some pictures when we get home of our yearly trip of Red Fish Lake! Most beautiful place ever!}


http://m.ksl.com/index/story/sid/31372962?mobile_direct=y

The Start...

I have been thinking a lot of how I want to word everything on this blog and basically what details I want to give out or how to write it...I think of all the blogs I have read that have lifted me up or helped me get through some tough times of not positive answers so I am going to lay it all out from step one! Trev and I have been trying to make this family grow for about two years now...and all I keep thinking about is wow we are both getting older and we don't even have one child yet...my dream as a kid was to grow up, get married and have our first kid at the age 24 and here I am now 28! you cannot plan out your life that is for sure! you have to take what comes and what goes or what doesn't come...God seriously has a plan for everyone and I believe this with all I have! Sometimes I tell myself maybe I am just not supposed to have kids for a reason, maybe God has other plans in the future for Trev and I...then I say this to my mom and she tells me differently "some people have to work harder to have children" I almost think to myself is this a test? We need to show how badly we want this child in our family, we need to spend all this money that we don't have to prove that we really want this angel to love, teach, and raise. Sometimes life is so frustrating and exhausting that you just keep wondering why? why us? So many thoughts and questions go in and out of my mind when I am alone driving, or sitting at home thinking to myself over everything...I have a cute pup that I treat like my child, he is spoiled, and I love on him every chance that I get, I care for him like he is my human child...my family teases me because this dog goes everywhere with me, he wears dog clothes, bow ties, gets treats all the time, gets to go to Pet Smart on his birthday, etc...he honestly is my comfort shoulder-if that makes sense? this dog reads me, he knows when I am upset, when I want to burst into tears or when I literally am bursting into tears he stays by my side and follows me everywhere...I sometimes think we found Max (my pup) for a reason to help comfort Trev and I...just my thoughts...I can see Trev's mom right now busting up reading this! but really Max honestly has brought up bad days to brighter days...just looking at him with his cute under bite to make us smile. He is honestly our child right now and will be known as our first child even when we do have our first human baby :) he will go everywhere the baby goes!

We started this crazy adventure in Logan, UT where it was time to start going to the Dr to see what the problem was...yes this cost us tons of money with all the tests, all the planning on when we could do the test when we had the money, and how we were going to do this...Trev and I both are not ones that make a huge amount of money and so a lot of thinking through, writing things down, calculating the amounts and a huge help with family that has been behind us every step of the way...helping us when they can see us struggling, living pay check to pay check, trying everything in every way to be able to afford everything that is needed to get through this process. Parents are seriously amazing and I think to myself each day how do you repay them with all the support and help they have ever helped you with. My mom has been my rock every bad day that I stepped out of the Dr's office I knew I could call her and get a positive answer such as "Britt, you are going to be ok" "This is going to happen" or even just a hug to let me know she loves me and is here for me...Trev and I have a lot of family that is so helpful and loving...it is hard to talk about the struggle without bursting into tears so its always nice just to get a hug and be told that we are loved...just to know that we are cared for. Trev went in and had some testing done which all came back awesome, everything was fine. I went in and had blood drawn and every other fun thing a woman has to be checked for! ultrasound of my ovaries to make sure everything looked good...all of our "tests" came back just fine...they started me on some crazy pills as what I call them...I was put on clomid at first and I was on that for a good part of the first year...don't ask me how I handled being on that for that long! it made me nuts! from being happy, then into tears, from going home and bawling to getting so ticked that I could feel my blood pressure boiling...I mean literally my neck would go red because I would be so angry at something that really was nothing to be angry with! it was not a fun pill to be put on! I finally got the ok to be switched to something else because they needed me on a different pill that would help make a follicle so they switched me to a pill called femara...this was a lot better with the hormones but I do have to admit both clomid and femara have made my skin go to crap! ever since I have been on the two I have crazy acne/scars now which I have never in my life had a problems with acne till I started those two and basically it stays in your system because I am still dealing with the acne problem from this day...not only acne but weight gain...it makes you want to eat everything in sight! SUGAR! I will have to find a picture of before I started this journey from now...Yes I have gained weight I have never had a problem with weight till I started this whole process...I was always the little short, skinny kid growing up so between all this acne/weight gain/mood swings this makes a very depressed girl...on top of still no child. Luckily I have a husband that sits beside me and always tells me how much he loves me and tells me how beautiful I am, when I am telling myself how gross I am looking and can't even stand to look in the mirror or shop for new clothes anymore! Once they started me on femara I went in for a procedure called the HSG to see if I had a blockage they basically go in and look at the uterus and fallopian tubes to see if there is a block...my left ovary had some issues as they put dye in a tube and basically if the dye doesn't go through then you have a blockage...they always struggled trying to get a big enough follicle on my left side from the very start of this so when we had this done the dye took forever to get through my tube with a lot of having me move and the guy doing this having to push on my lower stomach....not a comfortable feeling at all...usually when having this done it helps open any blocks up so we went on our way trying again...another scheduled appointment to come back to the Dr in a month and have another follicle check.

(if you don't understand what follicle check means, you can google it, there is a lot of information regarding this)

This is why I am writing this blog because this is no short process this has been going on for two years so there is a lot of procedures to be explained! I don't think people quite understand when they ask "so how's it going, what have you guys done, what's your next step" If people want our story and what we have done and what our next step is I would be standing there telling you day and night for hours what we have done and where it has taken us, so I have to give a brief update and I don't think people realize how much heartache it really is to stand and talk about it...but I have been told by a lot of people you handle this so well. Which I do when I am in front of people, you have no clue what I go through behind doors and when I am home:) I just hold back the tears and put on a happy smile and go my way throughout the day! don't get me wrong! I am a happy person! I love life, I love being married, I have the best family ever! just when it comes down to the baby talk and business that subject is so hard to deal with!

I have attached a link of Bobbie Thomas that works for the Today show, her story is seriously amazing and I go back to this story often to read it because she puts her whole heart out there and explain how hard this process is! how much people judge you and look at you by weight gain etc...people honestly need to realize "everyone is fighting a battle so think before you judge"

http://www.today.com/parents/bobbie-thomas-no-more-whispers-im-doing-ivf-proud-it-1D79856706

And just a few picture that make me really happy in life when I have had a crappy day or when I have gotten not so happy answers...

He has answered so many of my prayers

 SNOW CONES!

 Family walks at the Logan River

 This boy and his smile

 Family Fishing

 Red Fish Lake

 My husband and puppy child

 My sisters and mom time

My Momma!

 Playing at the park

 My sisters

 Brother and Dad

 Memories with mom

 My parents!

 DIET COKE

 Bear Lake

 New Nike's

 My Dad

 This happy boy

 My dad and his laugh

 New Boots

 The Beach

 Grams and Mom in Law

 LADY A!

 My In Laws

Mr. Max

 

I have to add on my nieces and nephews! I don't have just one picture of them all together but all those little stinkers can brighten anyone's day!

Along with all of Trev's family cousins/Aunts/Uncles/Grandma/In Laws! There is never a dull moment hanging out with Trev's fam its always a good time and lots of laughs! again I don't have just one picture of all of them together!

Enjoy todays post!

Up Lifting Quotes

A few quotes worth a thousand words!

I am quite addicted to Pinterest, so whenever I am feeling down and need some good words I scroll through Pinterest and find some good quotes that lift me up and help crappy days feel like better days!

 

 

 

 

 

Carl off of the movie UP really does remind me of my husband...Trev has never left my side through any of this...when being put on fertility pills that make you emotional/chubby/zitty/moody and everything else that is does to you, my husband has always been there from the times we walked out of the Dr's office with negative answers to the times where I would honestly get in our car and burst into tears after sitting in a room with your Dr trying with all you have to hold back the tears...I know each day is a new day Trev and I will get through this adventure and we will have our happy ending soon!!