{Updates}

I wanted to give updates on last week and information on how the IUI went and what all Trev and I dealt with...this is the first IUI we had done since my surgery-I don't think I mentioned what kind of surgery I went through...I went in on February 14th, 2014 {yes I know, how romantic for Valentines Day} for a surgery for endometriosis -while going through this surgery they got everything cleaned up and also found out that my left ovary had moved clear back to my pelvic bone so during this surgery they moved that back and everything went great...it was an outpatient surgery so I went in and came home same day...on a funny note my after surgery CNA was a girl that Trev had taken out on dates back in the days before I even knew Trev! lol, so here I am no make up, asking where my pup was {Max} and why the Kardashians weren't on TV...{awesome!} lets just say I was fine with my water and ice that I was drinking after surgery and she kept telling me I needed to keep drinking some Apple Juice, well Trev was getting me in the car ready to go home, started driving off and my stomach started just rolling I yelled to Trev I am going to puke!! it was seriously horrible it was one of those you can't hold back, holy shit what do I do moments! Trev yelled open the door! so barely I made it and opened the door but not quite soon enough! puke all over the door and ground, straight APPLE JUICE! I was so out of it I just started bawling and told Trev that chic needs to go back to CNA school I was fine with my water and ice! ha! it was pretty funny now that we look back on the whole situation! I have to thank my husband for putting up with my craziness! Love that man!

So we went in on Friday last week for a follicle check and on a positive note I had 2 awesome, perfect follicles on my left ovary! which I never had any follicles on my left ovary before I had that surgery! so I was really happy to hear that! So they wanted to go ahead and do the IUI same day...we went to the pharmacy and picked up my shot that I have to have that helps make you ovulate that insurance won't cover so our total for that was $110.00 yes basically money we don't have to just throw out but I will do anything I can and pay whatever I have to for this angel baby...so we went back to the Dr's office to have the shot given to me and found out the sperm washer that does her thing with Trevs sperm was out of the office till late Friday night she was in Phoenix and they only have one lady that does that in the office, so we had to wait and have IUI done Saturday morning at 8:00 am...so we went in and the office was closed so it was just Trev and I, and the lady that washes sperm and Ken who does the IUI's...can I just say I have so much respect for the people out of my Dr's office-they are amazing! and I am so thankful each day I can walk in that office and how truthful and caring they are to Trev and I, we appreciate all they have helped us with. Lets just say the IUI wasn't pretty and was so painful I have never bawled my eyes out of pain,  swore, told them to stop, or cried to Trev and told him I can't do it anymore, I can't, I give up. They had to dilate my cervix and with having such a tight cervix that is what causes so much pain...they have struggled with this every time we have gone in for an IUI and until I have a baby my cervix will always be this way...I was a complete mess and so upset I couldn't stop crying-my poor husband as he just sits there and can't do a thing besides stand there and let me almost break his fingers by squeezing so hard...they got the whole thing done not sure if it will work again or not because they could barely get the catheter in...but we will see, all we can do is keep praying to the man above and have faith.

I have seriously learned that I just need to accept that things are going to be hard in my life-I told Trev I have the worst luck when it comes down to anything it always makes me think {HOW} how can someone try to be positive when going through all this and nothing works...I have learned that Heavenly Father can see I am a strong woman that can honestly conquor hard things in life! I have so much faith, I don't give up in life...I will say that I give up but then I am back on the internet googling other options in life as to what we can do if something doesn't work! I believe with all I have Trev and I will have this sweet angel in our lives someday, and we will give this babe so much love and all the love that it deserves! I know Trev will be an amazing father he loves kids, he has such an amazing heart of gold and will show his kids everyday how much they mean to him by teaching them, helping them learn, talking to them about sports, whats right from wrong...along with me showing my children everything I have been taught by my momma and dad...I was raised by the most amazing, hard working, loving parents ever- I have been taught so much growing up and still to this day I love learning more and more from my parents.  I am so thankful for having my mom and dad always by my side, someone I can cry to or laugh to! I took a picture of the day I went through the IUI when they had me hanging upside down for 20 minutes to show how hard things can be at times-tears can be really ugly especially when it makes your make up a mess! a girl deserves a Starbucks after going through that mess! Below is the picture, along with the day I came home from my surgery in February, my pup was really concerned about me-makes me smile seeing that picture! I have also attached a link to Carrie Underwoods new song, my favorite part of the song says "just a little faith and it'll all get better" "Couldn't fight back my tears so I fell on my knees saying God if you're there come and rescue me" These words are honestly how I have felt lately;

 {having faith} 

{praying, please help us} 

Thanks for reading todays blog! -XO!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVEHJ9C-H9I

Family-Life-Work

So I haven't blogged for awhile life has been busy, busy! my work has been crazy busy with a new system training and I feel like I can't keep up lately! Did I say Busy! So just a quick update before I head to bed! 

Trev and I have been living life day by day still just waiting and praying! we went in last month to have an IUI done and on the positive side...I had follicles on my left ovary which is good news! because before I had the surgery I had in February for endometriosis they could never find follicles on my left ovary! on the negative note and the downside we didn't have big enough follicles to do an IUI that month so the waiting game begins! I started back on the fertility/CRAZY pills called Femara and we go back in this Friday for another follicle check to see if we can try for the IUI this month. 

{keeping our fingers crossed}

So we had our family pictures done by Samantha Little so I wanted to share a few! I am so excited to get some canvas's printed out and put them up on my walls! Enjoy Friends!

I came across this last night on fox 5 news I had to share this because this couples Dr that helped them with there whole process is the same fertility Dr Trev and I saw! Love Dr. Foulk! So seriously people watch and read the story! This is all what IVF involves! The money, injections, Dr apt, and more! And let me remind you again insurance doesn't cover any of it! Basically if Trev and I did an IVF we would have to take out a loan! It costs as much as a used car! Or a new one! Watch this amazing story!! -XO

http://fox5sandiego.com/2014/10/02/mom-to-bes-epic-reaction-to-ultrasound-goes-viral/

Let's Talk...

Okay blogger friends lets talk, complain, cry, laugh, be pissed, be happy, or just sit in silence...

Lets just say today has been a shitful day and yes I said shitful...Remember my last post how I explained everything about the IUI well lets just say we went in again today for the whole procedure and basically we were told bad news and were unable to have the IUI done for this month because the follicles were not big enough...so like I have said before negative news...makes for a lot of emotions to the point where you just want to say screw it all and give up. On another happier note when you get bad news that gives you a right to pull through the drive through at Johny O' Spudnuts and buy not one doughnut but 4 people! I SAID 4! ALL FOR MYSELF, along with calling Fredrico's and ordering out food for yourself and husband. So this has been a fun, enjoyable day!

Lets talk about stress, everyone has stress! some stress about not being able to have kids, being broke, being able to buy groceries, family, health, work, life, I mean what else? I look at Trev and I and lately we have been stressed to the max...between baby business, wanting to move but can we afford it? both working full time jobs, trying to afford "life" life in meaning trying to be able to afford milk, bread, or even gas, to trying to afford copayments at Dr appointments, or to even just pay bills...life is frustrating its hard...money is the devil and I believe that with all my heart...but you have to make it to be able to afford "life" its an on going battle between lots of families...you want to go back to school but you think {how}{cost}{life}{money}{work} life gets very hard especially when you have to start making decisions and the best decisions that will fit and help your family...as my favorite saying "family is always first" and that is my #1 in my books...this week has been crazy sometimes I think to myself I would love to just run away from everything take a break from life shut my phone off and spend a few days just with my husband and family with no interruptions between texts from work, or stressing about money sometimes I just think I want to be that kid again with no stress just all my worries gone...life would be amazing if it was just filled with vacations with family lots of laughs, cries, and spending time together...family time is my favorite thing in life! I am a home body, I love just sitting home with my husband and watching a movie, or baking, or giggling about stupid stuff, I also enjoy hanging out with family members, just chatting, no stress or worries just enjoying the time together! SO here is my venting for the day! I have had so much on my mind this week between the stress I have for Trev and I, to just realizing everyone is fighting a battle...I have been thinking and hurting so much for a family this week that I haven't been sleeping at nights this week because my mind just won't shut off from thinking of my appointment, to money, to this beautiful family that is in need of more help then my venting and problems...Please take the time and help this family out...please read her story as Kassi is a mother of two and a wife who has been fighting leukemia and has been put in the ICU and is now on life support, her body is giving up-she is getting weak and her family needs all the prayers they can possibly get...a simple prayer in your mind or even help with the medical expenses or both would be the best this family could have...we all need to love on our loved ones and family members and hold them tight-let them know how much they are loved because you never know when something will just hit and you won't be able to tell them. I will attached the link below so you can read there story or even donate, if you would like see how much Kassi has battled through this check out her instagram at @kassi_Schroeder Please keep this gorgeous girl and her family in your thoughts and prayers, not only do her two little girls need there momma, her husband and family need her too! lets pray that Kassi can pull through this!!

http://www.gofundme.com/da3ul0

Thanks blogger friends and family! {XO}

Sunday Thoughts

Happy Sunday Everyone! I thought I better sit down today and play catch up on the blog! Trev and I have been so busy lately I feel like all we do is go to work, come home get dinner ready, take our pup for a walk, get ready for bed, then start next day over-we are running errands, trying to keep up on our town home that we put up for sale in July so we have had people coming and looking at it which is so hard but so good! we usually get a text saying they will be here in an hour so trying to pick up things left out and running out the door before they show gets tough at times! just crossing our fingers that it sales...we are both ready to be moved to Logan, Utah or my dream would be San Diego! {keep dreamin huh!} SO its been busy at the Larsen Home, usually on my days off I am running to family events and trying to get lunch made and the husband off to work! Busy! and we don't even have kiddos yet! I look up to my sister, sister in law, and brother! they are constantly running like crazy and getting there kids to activities all the time! along with my mother and dad...I always wonder do they ever stop and take a breath? they go, go, go! I always ask if I can have some of my moms energy, I swear her and my dad never stop working, helping, etc.! they both need to retire and move to a beach house and relax! They deserve it! and I look up to them everyday and the handworkers that they are they have taught there kids the best!

Anyways! to go on with our story of our journey- I ended with talking about going in and having a procedure done that was called HSG, from then on we were told to come in and have follicle checks every month 13 days after my periods so monthly we went in had ultrasounds and there were days I would leave the office trying to hold in my tears until I would get out to our car...there were some days that were positive answers and some days that were negative answers...the meaning of the negative is basically I wouldn't have a good enough follicle to move forward with going onto the next step and process which is called an IUI it was frustrating to me as to {WHY} can't something just go right! I honestly would lay on that table while Trev was beside me while they were getting ready to do the ultrasound I always said a little prayer in my head {silly} I don't think praying is silly because when you are on your way to breaking down and need answers God is the answer... he is there even when life feels like he's not...its truly all about faith.

For anyone questioning the definition of IUI:

IUI is a fertility treatment that uses a catheter to place a number of washed sperm directly into the uterus. The {goal} of IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes and subsequently increase the chance of fertilization.

TMI?! well this is what this blog is about,  this is what husband and wife go through-the struggle of procedure after procedure, negative answers, to positive answers to the positive answers basically getting flushed down the drain when the IUI doesn't work after going through it 3 to 4 times, spending money on the procedure and it failing...did I mention Trev and I both work full time, work our butts off, and pay for insurance and non of these procedures are paid for by insurance-because nothing is covered by insurance because its infertility so we have to pay up front the day of the procedure...so if the procedure doesn't work that money just goes down the drain--but we can always say its going for a good cause right!? so basically the process you go in for a follicle check, good enough follicle then the hubby does his sweet duty and turns it in the day of the IUI...they give me a shot in the hip basically to help with the process that makes me ovulate and then in for the IUI we go...Is it painful? some say no its a piece of cake! as in my words its painful especially when they tell you your cervix won't dilate, meaning won't open, basically its easier after you have had a child. So that's a whole other story we will get to in this blog! so yes it is very painful to the point it brings tears to your eyes, then they basically hang you upside down ha more like tip your chair so your legs are in the air and you sit there for about 25 minutes and play the waiting game till your next period...if you start then re schedule for yet another IUI! its so fun!! Not! its frustrating, heart aching, and makes you wonder everyday!  

 

So that is the story for today! I hope you enjoy this blog update! I just wanted to say this blog is not stories to say poor me, poor me, poor us, poor us...this blog is to up lift and help people that want to know more of the processes of what people go through together as husband and wife that can't make there family grow! I have read so many blogs that have seriously made me realize that my husband and I aren't in this alone...there are couples out there that are struggling just like us and I love to be able to talk to them, like I have said before nobody knows how bad all this hurts till you have been through it!

 

And because you all know I love quotes! I will end todays blog with a few!

 

Because now and always is the best time to start becoming the persons we would love to be,

a mother and father

Always be patient, the best things are yet to come!

 

I said I would upload some pictures from Red Fish Lake when we got back and I haven't had lots of time! So I am finally sitting down and doing some blogging tonight while the husband is at work!

 

We went to Red Fish just Trev and I, oh and our pup! it was so relaxing and fun! we go every year over Labor Day weekend and I can't wait to make it a family trip and be able to take our kids up there every year and share memories with them like Trev and I have shared when we have gone there! I tell ya if you haven't been there put it on your bucket list to do!! so much fun!! here are a few pictures! Enjoy! XO!

 

 

 

 

 

 



Happy 1st day of September!! I am so excited for fall! It's my favorite season ever! Boot weather, Big sweaters, Hot chocolate, Leggings, Halloween, Football, Pumpkin candles, Pumpkin recipes, and of course the Witch Fest I look forward to in October!!

We are here in Red Fish Lake enjoying some husband and wife time with our cute pup Max but I got up this morning and did my morning routine checked emails, got breakfast ready, looked at insta, and Facebook...the first thing that showed up on Facebook that really got to me and made me a little emotional this morning was this link posted on Facebook about a couple that was seeing the same fertility Dr that Trev and I had saw...{Dr. Foulk} this Dr is the most caring Dr I have ever met with along with our Dr in Logan, Ut {Dr. Kirkman} these two men have seriously helped Trev and I feel like there is a chance and to not give up! We are going to have this sweet babe in our arms one day! So I wanted to post this link about this couple that are seeing Dr. Foulk! The one thing that honestly touched me was what Dr. Foulk had said...

"I don't think it's a function of playing God," Foulk said. "I think it's a function of using the tools God has given us. This technology is phenomenal in helping patients avoid that tragedy and have parents avoid that loss." 

These Dr's have the hands of God, to do what they do and the amazing miracles they can do helps us couples so much that want there family to grow! Another part that touched me...

Danny said Foulk told them "he would take care of it. He will do it and it won't cost us anything to do it one last time. And that's incredible. Who does that these days?"
I don't think people realize the cost of invitro how much money it takes to try to have this child brought into the family. What Dr. Foulk did for this couple is beyond amazing!! Enjoy this link and Happy Monday and 1st Day of September!! -xo!

{I will upload some pictures when we get home of our yearly trip of Red Fish Lake! Most beautiful place ever!}


http://m.ksl.com/index/story/sid/31372962?mobile_direct=y